Old, stale, negative.

release-drug free youth

h

Photo Cred

I got a photo published on Thrasher Magazine's Website. They used a photo I shot at Baldy full pipe in their stoke of the day section. It's a start, but still something. Let's hope to more being published. Hopefully one in print. Here's the link. http://thrashermagazine.com/articles/stoke-of-the-day/zach-peacock/

Just Floating Along

It's been a while since I've remembered a dream, or had a nightmare. Maybe I got what ever was causing them off my mind.... Or just suppressed it for the time being. Life has had it's ups and downs as of late. I'm just floating by. Have things weighing down on me, trying not to let them get to me. Not to sure where I want to end up.

Another Nightmare...

Another nightmare, but not like the one from my past, or the previous night. This is the second night I've been stricken with a nightmare. This one was a bit easier on me, this one lasted under a minute. I was being chased on my bike, I have no clue of what I was being chased by, I just remember riding as fast as I could. Feeling my legs burn, my knees pop and legs shake as I press down on my pedals harder. The pain I felt in my dream was so real, just like in a long sprint up hill. I was riding through alley ways and cutting around corners. Skidding my back wheel out to each side to help make the turn easier and help keep my speed up. No matter how hard I rode, how much I pedaled what ever it was that had me riding for dear life was gaining. I finally made a sharp left turn around a building and slammed into a chain link fence. I hit the fence with such force the links holding the chain link to the polls snapped and I feel through. Before I could see what was chasing me I woke up.

10 years

So last night I had a dream...More like a nightmare. It's been ages since I've had a nightmare, I can never remember my dreams, so it's a rare occasion when I can remember them. Anyways, as a child I used to be plagued with a reaccuring nightmare, It was of an old scary house in the middle of a town. I have never seen this house or town in my life, never in a movie, real life a book or anything. I made it up in my head and it haunted me for years. Imagine the house from the cover of In The Name Of Suffering By EYEHATEGOD, or the house from the burbs. I had completely forgot about it till last night, but once it creeped back into my dreams it was just as terrorizing as I remembered it. Still struck fear in me, down to my bones. I woke up sweating and shaking, puzzled on how that dream can cause so much fear in me, even after a decade. In my dream a friend who I have really strong feelings for and was involved with for a while called me up. Frantic! Screaming and crying, I raced over to where she said she was, I jumped off my bike to see her. She turned around and was covered in blood, My heart sank and I rushed over to see if she was ok, scared out of my wits something was the matter with her I saw that she was ok and in fact wasn't hurt at all, just shook up from hitting a dog. She had hit a dog in her car and didn't know what to do so she picked it up and put it in her trunk. I asked to see the dog and opened her trunk to find the dog covered in blood, and still bleeding, but alive. I picked him up from the trunk and wrapped him in my hoodie so she wouldn't have to see him in that state, then I ran over to that house. The one I was so terrorfied of as a child. And I mean terrorfied! I ran through the yard, passed a huge hundred year old tree with a tire swing full of leaves and I flung open the door and it felt as if it were a hundred pounds, my heart beating out of my chest i started my trek up the stars, where I saw past friends and random people I have seen throughout my life, all in various room of this scary house. I'm sweating bullets, shaking, scarred beyond my own belief carrying this dog that bleeding out with my friend right behind me. I then found a woman who said she could help the dog. So I unwrapped him and handed him over to the woman, she took him from my arms and began to was the blood from his coat, and see his wounds were not that bad. I took my friend by the hand and we walked down the long creeky stairs until we hit the hundred pound door and headed to the rear of the house waiting for the dog to get fixed. we walked to some dried creek bed hoping to find some water to help wash each other off, we found a puddle and I started to wash the blood off her face, wipe the tears from her eyes and cheeks. We ventured back to the house and it seemed as if we were gone for ages. When we got back to the scary house it looked vacant for sometime, all boarded up and dusty. The giant tree with the tire swing was still there, but all the leaves had died and fallen off. And there! next to the tire swing was the dog, in perfect health, waiting for our return. He ran up yelping and barking out of excitement, wiggling and rolling over. Jumping up at her hip, licking at her hands. She turned and stared at me and smiled with tears of joy in her eyes, I grabbed her by the hand, kissed her on the cheek and we started to walk tword the creek with the dog at her side. Then I was woken up. I'm not sure what to think about this dream, there's alot going on in it. It's hard to get a grip on it, It was very vivid, lucid and scary. I can remember the little things that scared me so many years ago, like there was no laps in time at all. I feel as if my feeling for my friend is what helped me overcome my fear of this house. I knew the only way to help and stop her frantic state was to enter the house and get the dog medical attention, and I did it with out a seconds hesitation. What does the house being boarded up and vacant looking mean? Why did this 10 plus year old house resurface back into my dreams? The dreams I can never remember, and didn't start remembering until I got involved with her? I'm not going to lie when I say I'm a bit frightened to fall asleep tonight, I'm scared of the house being in my dreams again, and I'm more scared of her not being by my side to help me through it, to reassure me that it's just a house, and I'll be fine.

it seems I've run out of room

So I no longer have any room for my 7"s. I need to find some sort of stand for my vinyl, this book case is all bowed out and not cutting it anymore. Been sick, that's pretty much it. I hate it.

Generation

City Of Sin

So it' Saturday, Cool, sunny and breeze. All I can think is, boy.... am I glad to be home. I got home some time last night from a 5 day romp in las Vegas. Flashy lights, artificial lights and air of the casino, so much bad food, even more good food, friends and strangers alike. I was in Las Vegas for The 15th annual Association of Piercers Conference and Exposition. Piercer from all over the world meet in vegas for a week long Conference, offering classes the help benefit yourself as a piercer, person and help your shop out. Not to mention all the jewelry vendors from all over showcasing the new jewelry they've been working on. I myself too full advantage of my Full Conference pass and loaded up on classes, taking up ward to about 15 of them. I've put my body through hell! Little to no sleep each night, living off nothing but vegan donuts most of the days, holding myself back from blowing my lifes saving on new jewelry or other swag offered. I thoroughly enjoyed this years conference. Better classes, easier to understand, great instructors, and and overall enjoyment of the conference compared to my previous years experiences. I wasn't able to gamble really, played a dollar on the nickel slots, I told myself I'd spend no more than 20 bucks gambling. It was National Star Wars Day! And I found some Star Wars slots at the hooters casino, couldn't not play, right? I've had time to decompress from that hectic week and now can focus myself on work and bettering my health and mind. Even though I was running stressed and busy, this conference was the closest thing to a vacation since November of 09. I brought a camera along with me but was to busy to bring it everywhere, which sucks! A few night I had some amazing food, Racked up a 400 dollar bill at a nice vegan thai place with about 23 other people, wish I could have documented that. I did however shot a few things. Here's some photos I shot with my phone, when I get some downtime I'll upload the ones from my camera.

My Year Project

It's nearing the end of the 4th month of 2010, This year's flying right by with good times, bad times and fun projects ahead. At the beginning of this year I started up a few little projects, mainly keeping track of things, documenting things i encounter in a more in depth way or just better myself, life, health and friends. Some I've cast aside for another year, some I've let lag but still keep track and one, one I stick to like glue. I started to keep track of the records I've bought this year, and let me tell you! This list is already beefy and we haven't even hit the half year mark. I'm needing to invest in more room for my vinyl, my "book shelf" is getting full. I also recently tackled the task of alphabetizing my 7" collection, I guess I got really bored and thought it would be a good idea, which it was, but now I come off like a dick when I tell people to remember where they pulled the record out, I need to work on my lps and get some tags to help keep them in order. I'm keeping an eye out for a large record stand, just like the ones in record stores. I'm sure I could fill one of those with my records. It would give me more room on my book shelf for my VHS collection, DVDs and books, and it would make looking through my vinyl a lot easier. A boy can only dream.

I long for you...

I often catch the faint smell you left in my bed when I'm half awake rolling over. Reach out my arm only to realize your not really laying next to me. I feel no warmth, no body, no you on the other side. Someday it will really be you on that other side.

They way you used to look at me

I want some peace of mind. I seemed to have lost it... when you lost your interest in me.

Mind is elsewhere. Pulled a muscle in my left inner thigh, yet I continue to skate hard on it. I know I need rest, bad! but wont let it be. I talked to my brother today, he says my dad wants to see me, and I should try and make it out to Seattle. I want to, but it's not easy for me to take time off, no one to cover shifts at work, I'll be losing out on money for rent and bills. But I guess him and his new family are doing really well and just throw money away. He spoiled my brother and sister on their stay with him for the holidays. My brother is trying to get me to make my dad pay my bills and shit, Says it's for all the time he was gone. I just laughed, I never thought of myself as a proud person but that made me laugh hard. Call it male hierarchy bullshit but I wouldn't feel like a man having my dad pay my rent to help cope for the years he spent ignoring us through out my childhood. He tried apologizing and saying he tried to see us, talk to us, send us things and all but my grandma and mom wouldn't allow him, tell us he called, or deliver his letters. I'm sure both are to blame but still, he could have tried a lot harder, had extended family parlay some sort of message or communication. I don't hold a grudge twords him anymore, I have forgiven him knowing now why he left my mom, and us. As a kid I didn't know or understand, I though I did something for the longest time, I was so scared I made him leave, made him stop loving my siblings and stuff. I went through a sever stage of depression in my childhood due to this, and I hated myself and my father for it, why didn't he want us anymore, what could I have done that was so bad he wanted nothing to do with me. Then one day he came back, out of the blue. I wanted nothing to do with him, fought and cried and argued with my other about it, she literally had to carry me over to him, told me that I needed to talk to him. It started off with meeting his new family, new wife(girlfriend, my mother and him are still married) His wife's kid, my new step brother and my half sister. Then I layed it all on him, What did I do to make you leave? Why don't you love me anymore? The look on his face shocked me, he was baffled I had felt that way, and assured me it was nothing I did, and that he did in fact still loved me. Things with him and my mother took a a wrong turn, They were both addicted to speed along with other drugs and the relationship was turning violent, I was to young to see it when he left, but certain memories stuck with me like scars. My mother sending a cinder block through his car windshield is one, the constant fighting, yelling, confrontations, crying, breaking things and slamming door were a daily thing. He told me he had to get out of there before one of them ended up in jail or dead, and as hard as it was to leave us behind it had to be done. Being about 14 at this time my eyes were open and my mind more keen, I know it but didn't want to believe it, who wants to think of their parents like that, a family or drug addicts and three bastard kids who happened to make it out by the seat of their pants. I've witnessed things no child should see, be exposed to things most adults haven't seen or witnessed. What kid can say they say 4 male cops beat their mother almost to death in the door way of you home or was constantly woken up by cops, guns drawn and dragged out of bed and handcuffed on a regular basis. This was just my life and I figured it was a normal thing.I know some kid have had a harder childhood, dealt with far worse things and haven't been as fortunate as my brother, sister and myself and that's what keeps me grounded, focused and on path. I need to prove to myself I'm not like what people said I'd be or turn out to be. I don't have to best relationship with my parents, I've become pretty distant to them both. It's hard to be around my mother, I feel as if I let her down but not helping to get her away from drugs, I feel weak and feel as if I abandoned her when she needed me the most. it's not the case but it's something that always lingers in my head. I love my mother to death, we've been through thick and thin together, she's always been there through out my hardest times, always there when I woke up in a hospital bed, right by my side throughout my many surgeries, right there quick to defend me when a teacher or officer of the law hassled me and tried to make me feel inferior for growing up in my neighborhood with a single mother, addicted to drugs. She was strong for me when she couldn't be strong for herself. And for all that I'm eternally grateful, and proud to have her as my mother, I know she tried her best, and provided for us the best she could. As for my father, I just don't know him, he's not the man I remember as a little boy, he's just a man I am still getting to know. These event's in my life have made and molded me into who I am. The have opened my eyes, toughened my skin and made me the man I needed to be to survive, It's crazy to say but I wouldn't have picked my childhood to be any different.

Hoarder

i've got copies of everything
every pressing every color
even the penis-shaped picture disc
so i'm not the only dick
put that down!
don't get fingerprints on the cover
every record is my lover
every rarity i've pursued
is fondled nightly when i'm nude
i'm a whore for vinyl
need more
still need the limited metal box
and the LP hole is small enough for my cock
my possessions, owning these goods
makes up for my lack of manhood

Festival of Lights

This past weekend was the Festival of light here in Downtown Riverside, and boy was it a sight to see. Friday was opening night and I was eager to see how the lights would turn out this year. So eager I left my camera at home. FAIL!!!! Friday was the busiest of the weekend, they shut down a lot of the major streets through out down town and let the people roam the streets. Super fun to experience, would have been more fun to have captured it. Saturday Danielle and I went to go ice skating and see the lights. I was still in awe at the sight of everything, plus I'd never been ice skating before. Fun was had all around and I snapped a few photos that night, couldn't really man a camera on ice. I tried, but was told I couldn't have it in the ice. Sunday was a day of swap meets, thrift stores, food and another trip to the lights. This time Danielle and I were accompanied by some friends, Julio and Fidel. The four of us spent pretty much all day together. I couldn't ask for a better way to spend a day.

I must say I am thrilled on how these photos of myself have turned out. A friend (Jared) of mine asked to use me as a test subject for his film and photography class a few weeks ago. He snapped a roll of film at my apartment and after seeing a few of the photos he took, I've become very interested in the same class he took. I just wish I could afford the time and money to go to school and work at the same time. I wish I would have taken an interest in photography when I was piercing part time, now that I'm always at work I have really no time for anything. Maybe I could work my two days off a week around a class or two. Thanks again for the photos Jared. Being as it's been a while since I've updated my blog nothing really has happened that I felt was blog worthy. I meant to sit down a write a blog about my recent trip to Texas for Fun Fun Fun Fest, but really didn't have the motivation to, also my Internet has been acting up on me. Even if I tried to updated about it, I'm sure it wouldn't post or FireFox would lose the server or something. Work has been slow for the month of November with the exception of this past weekend. I was getting a bit scared I wouldn't have my money for bills. I constantly keep my mind occupied, so I can try and drown out my urge to move. It's really all I've been thinking about. I can't get New York out of my head. Also Seattle, but I know now just isn't the time to move. It'd be super hard to find a job, or a place. I know I just need to hold off till things get better.

Hate to say I told you so

But, I guess I could have seen that coming. I'm sure things wouldn't have worked out. Halloween was fun for me this year. San Pedro, Nofx, Pennywise, Misfits and black flag cover sets. Good friends, rowdy pit and tons of spilled beer.

I Am Alive

And That's Pretty Awesome. Been having a bad week. Well not that bad, but still kind of sucky. I'm kind of sick, my sinuses are fucked to shit! I've been spitting up blood filled loogies and my nose has been running like a water fall. I dont mean a little bit of red in my spit, I mean blood filled more red than green or brown. Been working 7 days a week and still seem to lose money at the shop. I need a break, Texas next month is just what I need. I like a girl, who I'm sure likes me, but I'm sure she'll lose interest in a few weeks. Months if I'm lucky, it happens all the time. I've kind of learned to deal with it. I don't want to get to excited over her, but I can't help it. I want/need to suspend soon, I also NEED to make a trip out to long beach. I miss my friends out there so damn much. I want to start building a bike, and need to take mine into the shop and have it serviced, kind of wish I built one sooner. I will be out a bike for a week or so, bumming. I like making blogs here because I know no one reads them. It's a great way for me to let out what I'm really feling without the fear of someone using it against me or calling me out on it.

Battling Myself

I fell as if I have an ongoing battle in my mind. A battle between good and evil, right and wrong. What I feel is right and what I want right now, I strive for something I know I'll never have. I'm scared. I want to sell all my shit, moved out of my apartment and hit the road with nothing but my camera, bike, and my bag. This is the only thing I feel will make me happen. Just ride off and see what's out there. I've become to accustomed to the luxuries and possessions in my life. I'm to attached to my records, vintage shirts, odds and ends and pretty much anything I've spent time and money on. These things keep me grounded, and I know I didn't have them I wouldn't be sitting in my apartment. No longer hiding behind my things, my computer screen, glued to my couch. I feel as if I'm not meant to be stuck in one place for to long, I need to be in different places, I need change or travel. I want to ride of into a new land, sun at my back, sweat on my brow, a fresh breeze running it's fingers through my hair. Soon, soon I will know what I will do, soon I'll grow up, lose my fear and break away. I feel as if a little more growing is needed here, then I can leave.

Silly Girl I'm Beggin' You...

I find that no other band has made such an impact on my life like the descendents have. No matter how I'm feeling it seems I can listen to the descendents and an album can supplement my mood and feeling. I find great satisfaction and joy listening to this band. This band helps me through alot of tough times, makes sense of my feeling and put's me back into my right state of mind. I find this to be one of the greatest bands of all time, cool to be you to be one of my top 5 favorite albums, and Milo to be a lyrical genius. I have a few band tattoos, but my descendents one is by far my favorite. I love this band so much I had Milo tattooed on my hand. Most of my other band tattoos are in areas easily hidden (shin, ribs, nape of neck) but not my descendents one. I hope to one day be fortunate enough to see them play. Even if it's not an original line up, I could still find peace seeing them. This one's for Frank! Sad to have you pass.