I Am Alive

And That's Pretty Awesome. Been having a bad week. Well not that bad, but still kind of sucky. I'm kind of sick, my sinuses are fucked to shit! I've been spitting up blood filled loogies and my nose has been running like a water fall. I dont mean a little bit of red in my spit, I mean blood filled more red than green or brown. Been working 7 days a week and still seem to lose money at the shop. I need a break, Texas next month is just what I need. I like a girl, who I'm sure likes me, but I'm sure she'll lose interest in a few weeks. Months if I'm lucky, it happens all the time. I've kind of learned to deal with it. I don't want to get to excited over her, but I can't help it. I want/need to suspend soon, I also NEED to make a trip out to long beach. I miss my friends out there so damn much. I want to start building a bike, and need to take mine into the shop and have it serviced, kind of wish I built one sooner. I will be out a bike for a week or so, bumming. I like making blogs here because I know no one reads them. It's a great way for me to let out what I'm really feling without the fear of someone using it against me or calling me out on it.

Battling Myself

I fell as if I have an ongoing battle in my mind. A battle between good and evil, right and wrong. What I feel is right and what I want right now, I strive for something I know I'll never have. I'm scared. I want to sell all my shit, moved out of my apartment and hit the road with nothing but my camera, bike, and my bag. This is the only thing I feel will make me happen. Just ride off and see what's out there. I've become to accustomed to the luxuries and possessions in my life. I'm to attached to my records, vintage shirts, odds and ends and pretty much anything I've spent time and money on. These things keep me grounded, and I know I didn't have them I wouldn't be sitting in my apartment. No longer hiding behind my things, my computer screen, glued to my couch. I feel as if I'm not meant to be stuck in one place for to long, I need to be in different places, I need change or travel. I want to ride of into a new land, sun at my back, sweat on my brow, a fresh breeze running it's fingers through my hair. Soon, soon I will know what I will do, soon I'll grow up, lose my fear and break away. I feel as if a little more growing is needed here, then I can leave.

Silly Girl I'm Beggin' You...

I find that no other band has made such an impact on my life like the descendents have. No matter how I'm feeling it seems I can listen to the descendents and an album can supplement my mood and feeling. I find great satisfaction and joy listening to this band. This band helps me through alot of tough times, makes sense of my feeling and put's me back into my right state of mind. I find this to be one of the greatest bands of all time, cool to be you to be one of my top 5 favorite albums, and Milo to be a lyrical genius. I have a few band tattoos, but my descendents one is by far my favorite. I love this band so much I had Milo tattooed on my hand. Most of my other band tattoos are in areas easily hidden (shin, ribs, nape of neck) but not my descendents one. I hope to one day be fortunate enough to see them play. Even if it's not an original line up, I could still find peace seeing them. This one's for Frank! Sad to have you pass.

I am weighing me down

I've found myself neglecting my blog as of late. Wrote it off as being busy and what not. I was in Long Beach Monday night through Friday morning, working Friday through Tuesday. Packed week for me, but really I've been neglecting this because I force myself to write down how I'm really feeling, what really has me down, what is really going on in the mess I call my mind. I have an unhealthy habit of running myself ragged when I'm down, or have a lot on my mind. I let things weigh heavily down on me, it's hard to escape it sometimes. So I make myself stay busy to forget it, even if it's for a few seconds. It's unhealthy but better than running to a substance. I'm not saying I have the hardest life, but half the things I go through any other kid my age would spark a joint and hit the bottle then cope with it or try and fight the emotion. I've been feeling a little bit better today. Which is good. I'm covering a friends shift at the shop later today. His birthday was yesterday and asked if I could cover Tuesday(today) for him. I need rest, I was doing well with my sleeping pattern until earlier this week. It's only a matter of time before I'm back to how it was. I've been pushing myself harder and harder on my bike. I figure it will help with the depression, and angst. And it has, today was my mellowest ride this week and it was due to me not being as bummed.

Daze Like Today Can Really Open Your Eyes.

I woke up in a good mood, not tired and got ready for work in a timely manner. Enjoyed some new records with a bowl of cereal then hit the road to the shop. A bit of a windy ride, but made it early and not to sweaty. Did pretty well at the shop. I believe I did 8 piercings. Two of them were sets of ear lobes. Made up for not doing a thing yesterday. Went to Pizza Kiln. Vegan pizza with friends is always a must. Came back to my apartment, some of my friends hadn't seen it yet. Just sat around, shot the shit and listened to some records.They were all pretty stoked on my place. As lame as it may sound that made me feel real good about myself. I often find myself sitting alone, thinking about my situation. And I wonder where it all came from. It's very humbling. I'm 20 and have an awesome apartment, a great career, awesome friends, I'm in the best shape of my life, and am totally on track with my life. Things like this hit you like a ton of bricks and puts things into perspective. I remember talking about living in Downtown for the longest time. I remembering saying I'd move out of my friends parents house, and be piercing full time. I know I won't always have days like this, but I do know I can't let the bad ones get to me. I've been doing that a lot. Letting things get me down. But not today. Today has totally lifted my spirits.